Looking back and reflecting upon what is the evolution of my brain and soul within this past two years, I can pinpoint the precise location and pivot of my belief in fate or that of a set destiny. Being a Christian, born Lutheran and now non-denominational, I always had this idea that there was a pathway that was designed just for me, by the Creator, that my destiny was set in stone. I figured every decision, whether right or wrong, and every turn I took was already foreseen. So, when I crammed all my belongings into my car and made my way four-hundred miles south, I thought there was an unseen, driving force, pushing me towards what I believed was fate.
As I sat in my English class, memorizing a poem by William Ernest Henly titled “Invictus,” (which was a requirement for the class), a segment of the poem stood out upon the rest:
"It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the Captain of my soul."
As I wrapped my head around this piece of literature, which was not overly exhausting, it was that verse which turned out to be a pivot on which my mind would change direction, but at the time, I was unaware of that.
It was not for another ten-months and a new found love for Philosophy did I put the ideas of free-will and fate together. I have always believed in free-will, since I can just as easily say "no" as I can say "yes." I can decide whether I want to get out of bed, or lay there and sleep in. I feel these simple decisions, are basic determining factors and proofs of free-will. The area I never spent much time thinking about or trying to process is the relationship among free-will and fate, which, I really feel free-will throws a curve-ball on the idea of fate. In fact, these two ideas, I believe, contradict each other heavily.
To understand where I am coming from, it can be easily seen by the definition of the two ideas. The belief in free-will is basically the ability for agents, such as humans, to make choices, free of certain restraints, whereas fate, as mentioned earlier, is the belief that there is a certain destiny people process. To have a set destiny, there must be restraints on human thought and their ability to make decisions for this to occur, which goes against the major cornerstone of free-will; no restraints.
I can still feel the mixed emotions that engulfed my body as it did the day I first processed this information. It was one of those feelings that felt life altering, like the world stopped and went in reverse. But, when I took a step back out of the light of my thoughts, nothing had changed, nor would it. The only thing that could change was me, "I am the master of my fate: I am the Captain of my soul."
My destiny is to be discovered by my own means, whether here in Omaha, New York, or Paris. The truth is it doesn't matter who and what it is that I come across, but it must be by my own means to build relationships and to develop a stream of networking to create my very own pathway, my very own destiny, that as of now, is far from set in stone.
I have formed this belief, a belief of my own, which could be wrong by many means, but I have found comfort and strong self-reliance among it. I do not write to discourage any other's beliefs, but to help one expand their own thought. I have found deeper faith and a solid dwelling place for my soul to grow. So, with all certainty, I write, with all uncertainty, I know.
2 comments:
One of the more enlightening experiences I've had in regards to fate, destiny, and design was an epiphany I had while sitting in an economics class (of all places...). While discussing the economic impact of what is known as "opportunity cost" on a person's life, it occurred to me that every choice I make, have ever made and will ever make, is a result of the leftover options which remain from all decisions I have made heretofore.
This wasn't unsettling...nor did it expand my thought process in any significant way, but it certainly increased my self-awareness. Without any difficulty one can pretend to imagine what their life might be like if they had simply decided to do something "the other way"...but again, this can only ever be conjecture, and we all know the pitfalls of dwelling on decisions made...
Whether you regard a decision as a positive choice or a negative, what we can be sure of, is that every decision we make leaves a litany of "what ifs".
I believe that this awareness has guided the major decisions I've made since that econ class, but I've had much more fun throwing caution to the wind and refusing to acknowledge that whatever decision I make will undoubtedly require that I give up some eventuality. Coming to terms with this idea was not a conscious choice, it just was.
Indeed sir...I am the captain of my soul.
Pretty heavy thoughts my son! When you say "captain of my soul" it concerns me, what exactly that means. As a Christian, there is a higher power, God and a final destiny that He has planned for you. However if you waiver from that plan, as in feeling self righteous the devil has succeeded. As it's said, the devil sets up shop next to a church, for those are the strong souls. Keep your faith close to your heart and continue to make the right choices. John 3:16. I love you Eric!
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